Entry #18 My Daughter is Two?!

My daughter is two years old?! Two years old? Two!

Just two years ago to the day, my husband and I received a call, asking us if we would like to adopt a baby girl that was about to be born. Even still to this day, when I let my mind ponder the full story it brings tears of happiness. Within an hour of receiving the call, we said yes! Within a few hours, we booked flights to Arizona and packed all sorts of things. By the next morning, we went to work for a few hours to tidy up loose ends because we anticipated being gone for two weeks due to adoption paperwork. Within twenty-four hours we landed in Arizona, got picked up by our cousins and drove home with them. Within minutes we got a call that the power of attorney was given to us, at which point we couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough to meet the precious baby who would become our daughter.

Fast forward two years later, it’s easy to forget all of the challenges that came before getting to become Maddy’s parents. There might be other women who don’t know my story, who look at me with Maddy and think, I wish I could be a mom like her. I wish I could have a daughter like that. Why can’t I be a mom? I know there have to be women thinking that because those thoughts used to creep into my head at times. Thankfully I kept hope in God that He put a desire for me to become a mom and I trusted that He would allow me to become a mom one day, no matter how it was going to happen. And now that I am a mom, I certainly don’t take it for granted. Each day is a gift.

Thinking about each day being a gift hits even harder in our current world. After my maternity leave, I went back to work for four weeks until spring break, at which time schools went remote for the remainder of the year. Then the following year, because of the state of everything, we decided I would stay home with Maddy. I am so thankful for the decision and am still able to stay home with her. I am so fortunate to be able to do so still. At the same time, I didn’t get to say bye to any of my colleagues. Some of them are at different work locations, some retired. The people in attendance at our last school gathering -- that same group of people will never work at the same school together again. I’ll never be with that same group of people again. There’s a little sadness in that because of my care for my colleagues and not getting to say a goodbye to some.

But sometimes having to say goodbye, means getting to say hello. Because I’ve had to say goodbyes in some aspects of my career, it has brought wonderful hellos in my family life. I have become a full time mom, one of my biggest dreams I actually didn’t think was possible. I have been more involved in my niece’s lives, which in turn have brought them closer to my daughter. But I also know this life stage is temporary. My older niece is already eight. It seems she was just two herself, which is why I savor every day at home with my daughter. Before I know it, our time at home together will be done, which makes me emotional just typing it. Before I know it, she will be growing up, growing older each year. And that’s why I am happy to enjoy the present. Enjoy the moments that God gives me now.

Tomorrow isn’t promised and tomorrow will be different. But God’s love is promised and doesn’t change. And I can promise to love my daughter and love my family and love my friends. I don’t want my focus to be on goodbyes, but rather focus on hellos that can show and share love. And for now, I know it’s okay to show my daughter as much love as I can.