I didn't realize an infertility awareness week existed until a friend of mine posted about it! I usually try to post something during Adoption Month to help bring awareness to the wonderful ways adoption completed our family. I felt a little tug on my heart to share this post for infertility week, in case it might encourage others out there struggling with becoming a mom or dad.
For those who followed my journey towards motherhood closely, you may remember some of these details. Whether you are new or not, you may be the person who needs the encouragement or you may know someone who needs this encouragement. Just last week, my sister and I were able to share this very blog with our server at the restaurant we were eating at, so I know it is still impacting other women out there. I am happy to continue the outreach of spreading God's hope that God knows the desires of your heart, no matter how hard it may be in the moment.
My husband and I both were having a hard time getting pregnant for about two years. We tried seeking advice from my OB-GYN, using ovulation kits, and eventually tried IUI three times. After many tests, the outcome was infertility due to unknown reasons. At the time, I was 40 and the idea of trying IVF seemed to be the last option for a biological child. The risk was high because it cost about $25K and there was a 5-10% chance of it working. During this whole process, my husband and I were also looking into adoption because we were hoping to adopt a child from the start of our marriage, we just had no idea when we would and how to start that process.
As I blogged about our journey, many prayed and some offered advice. Sometimes that advice was not lined up with what God was telling us. For instance, one person said they would pay any cost whatsoever to have a child. That thought started playing in my head. Was I doing enough to have a child? Was I going to be a mom? Was I missing my chance? Did I need to do IVF? What if it didn't work, did we just waste the money we just saved up? Would we have to take out a loan to cover another $25K-40K for another round of IVF and adoption? This was one of my moments of weakness when I didn't cast my anxieties on the Lord. Psalms 55:22 "Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."
This was during the month of October 2019. My husband and I made an appointment at the infertility clinic that we had been to many times. We had asked many people to pray for something that we felt like God was going to work out during this month. We weren't sure what it was, but I wanted to be sure I was doing all I needed to do to become a mom. We signed all the paperwork that went with the IVF process and started taking all of the necessary vitamins. The following month would be the injections and removal and transfer process. We chose to wait until November for this because we just felt so strongly that something was going to happen in October, but we had no idea what.
Then, guess what? On the evening of October 30, we got a call about a baby girl about to be born! We were asked if we would want to adopt her!! We flew out and met our baby girl on the LAST day of OCTOBER!
Once we met her, we knew our family was complete. We cancelled all of the IVF appointments and just knew our baby girl was what God was working out. God knew. We did not. God asks us to trust Him. We did as best as we could (in our humanly way) and our prayers were answered in better ways than we could ever have hoped for.
As I type this, I think about how fortunate I am. I get to stay home with her, I get to play with her, go places with her and be her mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know these moments don't last. Yes, sometimes I cry spontaneously, knowing too soon she will be in kindergarten, one day we won't have everyday together to do as we please, one day she will be too big for me to just pick her up in my arms, one day she will want to explore the world without me. And that will all be okay because that will mean I have helped her become her own person and she has hopefully grown into the woman God intends her to be. But for now, I'll hug her tight, hold her little hands, kiss her face, sit her in my lap to read to her, enjoy our daily activities and savor every moment, no matter how tired I am.
And so, back to the purpose of this blog. If you are struggling with infertility, just know that God knows your struggles. For whatever reason, He has you going on your path, He will bring you through it. Seek His guidance by reading the Bible, listening for His voice, praying for discernment and guidance, and asking trusted people around you to join in your journey. I have friends who have had successful IUIs and IVFs and fostered and adopted! No matter how you become a mom or dad, once you do, there’s just no other love like it.
And just as I needed to be careful with whose advice I listened to, you do as well. Even when reading this. My journey will not be your journey. Our struggles and path towards parenthood may be different. It’s okay! Even our feelings of being a mother may be different. I was just at the playground and another mom was telling us how she had to get out of the house and it she was not good for her mentally to be home all day. Some moms work remotely, at home or at the work place and pull off the amazing feat of motherhood. Some quit their job to stay home. Some work part time. There’s so many other situations out there! Anytime I would talk to others in person about my journey, I would tell them you have to be open to any path God may be leading you on and only you will truly know it. The same goes for once you become a mom. You have to do what you know is best for you and your family and only you truly know what God is leading you to.
I love Hosanna Wong’s explanation of we are all running a marathon race in life and each of our races look different. When you start looking to other peoples’ lanes, you start to trip up and lose course. We only need to be looking up to God to reach our finish line.
