Entry #11 Our baby girl is born!

Soooooo...quite a blog to write. My favorite one yet. Our Journey Towards Parenthood has become Our Journey Of Parenthood.

Just one week ago we got a call from the fabulous and highly recommended home study lady who has been helping us. She called us to tell us a baby girl was about to be born and asked if we wanted to adopt her. I asked if I could take a moment to call my husband, as he was at the school’s volleyball game. He was in a state of shock on his way home. During that time I called my sister to tell her and she told us that we’ve been wanting this for two years, we were ready! Go get that baby! I knew I wanted to say yes but wanted to make sure my husband had peace about the decision too. Once he got home and had a moment to process, he was more than on board as well.

Isn’t it funny how life goes? Just a month ago I wrote blog entry #11 and asked for prayer for peace about a decision going to be made in October. What I didn’t share was that we were going to try IVF. We had attended several appointments and just needed to call when my next cycle started. We got this call before we would start IVF and are amazed at God’s timing. The decision many of you prayed for was designed by God for us to adopt this baby girl.

Once we found out, we were advised to fly out the next day, which we did. Baby girl was born during the night and we flew out that day!

The birth mother was passionate about making sure her baby was adopted by a loving couple. She made a decision to give her baby life and we are eternally grateful to her. We got to meet baby girl when she was 24 hours old. On our plane ride, we decided on her name.

We picked a first and middle name with several special meanings to and in our family. Her cousins helped pick her middle name, without even knowing it!

Our baby was born in a stressful state and was in the NICU. The amazing nurses helped so much with her care, a speech pathologist and physical therapist visited as well. Each person gave such helpful advice to help. My husband and I held our baby girl all day long, for the next 6 days. We swaddled her, held her hand, swayed with her, read to her, talked to her and prayed for her. Soon, the nurses were commenting on her improvement and her stressful state was decreasing.

She was discharged on day 7, when she was one week old. It was much quicker than anticipated and the doctor was impressed with her improvement.

All this to say, God chose us to be her parents and we were able to provide what she needed. Other situations didn’t work out. It wasn’t a "no" to being parents, it was just a "not yet". Our daughter came at just the right time, as always is with God’s perfect timing.

We have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, most of them filled with joy and excitement and tears of happiness. Our hearts are content.

Our hope stayed strong in knowing that we would be parents. It was difficult at times. It was trying. It wore us down. But the prayers, support, and encouragement of our family and friends rallied us on.

And now that we are parents, the excitement you all have for us makes our hearts burst with happiness.

We still have more paperwork to go and a few more legalities. But for now, we will let our hope turn to joy. Our hearts are at peace. And the decision we asked for prayer came to fruition in the best way we could imagine.

Today, our baby girl is one week old, made strong through love.

Entry #10 Prayer for October

It’s been just over a month since our last update through this blog. So many of you kindly ask for updates and continue to let us know you’re praying. We are still in the waiting stages, where we are listed as potential adoptive parents with a lawyer’s firm.

However, I did want to share an update in the form of a prayer request.

We may have the opportunity for another door to be opened in our Journey toward Parenthood. We will know more in October, but in the meantime, we are asking for you to pray for God’s guidance, that He prepares the steps towards this path, if it’s His Will, and that there is peace. The kind of peace that tells us this is truly from God and with His approval.

Just thinking about this possible door opening has had me so excited this past week and at this time, I feel peace about it, but I want to make sure it is peace for the right reasons.

Therefore, we are asking for your prayers that we have peace whether this door is truly being opened or if it ends up being closed. Again, we will know more in October and will hopefully get to share more then.

Thank you again for reaching out and investing your time in our Journey toward Parenthood. With God and the people He places in our lives, we can stay strong in our hope that one day we will be parents.

Entry #9 Meeting with Lawyer

This past Tuesday, my husband and I met with the adoption lawyer and WOW. There was A LOT of information to take in and process. The lawyer was extremely knowledgeable and explained the whole process of what we are to expect during each of the next steps. This next step being the waiting period. We gave her our profile books and wrote up a little blurb for them to post. Now, we wait for birth mothers to view our profile and hopefully pick us soon!

Once we are picked, we will meet with the birth mother to get acquainted. Before this meeting and during this time, prospective adoptive parents have to communicate what kind of adoptions they are open to – closed, semi or open. This describes the different levels of communication the birth mother would have about the baby, after birth, from the adoptive parents. It could be pictures, letters, email and/or visits.

After the initial meeting, the birth mother and adoptive parents can continue with communication until the birth of the baby. Sometimes the adoptive parents can be present at the baby’s birth. Part of the reason why newborn adoptions can range from $35,000-$45,000 is because the adoptive parents cover the cost of living, transportation, food, phone – the necessities—for the birth mother during her pregnancy and six weeks after birth. Then, there are the lawyer’s costs, which ours will be $15,000. Plus other legal expenses, such as court filings, legal representation for the birth mother and other related expenses.

At this time, our prayers are hopeful that God will lead a birth mother to choose us as her baby’s parents, that this happens in His timing, and that we are patient during the waiting period.

At this point, there are nine entries in this blog. As we continue to share this blog with women who desire to be on the path towards motherhood, I am continually awed by their reaction to what I have shared. Please, if you have any women in your life in a similar situation, feel free to share our journey with them. When other women have reached out to me in return, it has been very encouraging.

Thank you for joining us along this journey thus far. We hope we will be able to write a future entry about a birth mother choosing us!

Hope is strong!

Michelle

Entry #8 Meeting with a Pediatrician

During our home study visit, we were advised to meet with a pediatrician to find out about various medical conditions that an adopted baby can be born with. The amount of time it takes to be matched with a baby can be affected by how open adoptive parents are to various conditions. My husband and I were just able to have a meet and greet with a pediatrician and it was very informative.

The medical staff was very kind and gave us a welcome packet about their office. Then, when we met with the doctor, she answered all of our questions in such a helpful way. We asked about the long term effects of drug use, including meth, heroine, marijuana and crack. We also asked about the effect of alcohol use, commonly known as fetal alcohol syndrome. We asked about a baby being born to a birth mother with HIV, various mental illnesses, defects and life threatening conditions.

The doctor explained that many of these conditions can be treated, initially with the birth mother’s potential access to prenatal care, and then after birth with monitoring, medical care and a nurturing, loving home. We felt that this meet and greet answered many of our questions and helped calm our nerves down because it is better to be informed and know how to care for the various conditions rather than go off of hearsay. We understand we will encounter challenges, but that goes for any child, adopted or not, so we definitely recommend setting up a meet and greet ahead of time. The doctor said we were her first couple to ever meet with her before having adopted the baby, so I’m happy with our progress.

Now, we ask for your prayers for our meeting with the adoption lawyer on July 30. We have our profile books ready to go and are excited for the next step that will hopefully lead us closer to our future baby.

We thank you for your prayers!

Entry #7 VM about lawyer and $4K grant

I have a couple of exciting updates to share, but first I need to confess once again how my anxiousness continuously creeps in. Last week, our family was on a road trip and throughout the week I kept waiting to hear back about the two applications we sent in – one to the lawyer’s office and the other for the financial assistance. Last Friday, during one of my driving turns, I set aside the anxiousness and started to pray and ask God to settle my heart, give me patience, and trust in His timing.

What do you know, but later that day I received two voicemails while we were in the St. Louis Arch! The lawyers looked over our applications and wanted to set up a consultation! The second voicemail informed us that we were given a $4,000 matching grant! As I write this blog entry, it is quite fitting that today’s verse of the day on the Bible App is, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” from Philippians 4:6.

We will meet with the adoption lawyer at the end of July and will know much more then. As of now, all of our paperwork is all set so there isn’t anything else to prepare. In regards to the financial assistance, we have to set up some logistics, so more will come on that later. Lastly, we will continue the process of applying to work with our second option, an adoption agency. We were playing a little bit of phone tag, so completing this step will be our next goal.

I just wanted to share a quick update on God’s goodness and why I continually know I can keep my hope in Him! As always, your prayers are greatly appreciated!

Entry #6 Paperwork after home study

Entry #6

For those who know me, when I do something I get it done or want it done immediately. It has been quiet the past couple of weeks, due to research. There is really so much paperwork that it can be intimidating to understand it all. So, praying for me to not be anxious and be patient in the timing of it all would be appreciated. And for God to give me the understanding of each step of the process would be helpful too.

Since our home study is complete, most of the next part of the journey is completing paperwork and applications and more paperwork for agencies and lawyer firms. During our home study, our contact gave us a list of where to start. There are SO many agencies and lawyer firms out there, some dedicated solely to adoptions and some that include adoptions in their practice.

After reviewing some of their websites, we have narrowed it down to one agency and one lawyer firm. During our home study, we were given a list of questions to ask the agencies. The two questions to ask at the forefront are: How many babies did you place last year and how many waiting families are you working with?

We have also completed an application in connection with our church. It is a financial one that will determine if we qualify for any grants and such. This one went in the mail yesterday. Since the adoption process costs about $35-45K, we are hoping this will prove to be a fruitful one.

The application for the lawyer firm went in the mail today, which will hopefully turn into a consultation with a lawyer.

If you are looking to adopt, or on the journey too, know that this phase requires a lot of reading, writing and research.

All prayers are greatly appreciated. We continue to place our hope in God each step of the way. The specific prayers now are for financial assistance, finding the right agency/lawyer firm, getting on a waiting list and ultimately getting matched with the baby that God has for us.

From the many resources we have been given, there are recommended books to read to help prepare for the adoption process. I am currently reading 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherrie Eldridge.

We thank you for your continued prayers and for joining us along in this journey.

Entry #5 Niece's prayer, costs of adoption and podcasts

My niece’s prayer as recorded in my phone notes on May 24, 2018:

“Shell, when are you going to have a baby?”

I replied, “I’m not sure. Hopefully soon. We just have to pray every day and ask God.”

My niece, “Okay, I’m going to pray now. Dear God.” (whispers to me, “Shell, is it God who makes the babies?” I answer, “yes”. She continues, “Dear God, please make Shell a baby in a couple of days. Amen.” To me, “Shell, I really want you to have a baby soon.”

Did you notice that this prayer from my niece was exactly one year ago? How precious is she? Then, on this past Mother’s Day, while our whole family was eating at Maggiano’s, I took her to the restroom. On the way, she said, “Shell, you’re going to be a mom soon.” She is so cute and precious and confident.

Now she is six and aware of so many things. We recently started explaining to her about our adoption process. We ended the conversation by saying she might be getting a baby cousin soon and her smile was of pure excitement and joy. Children have the most beautiful hearts.

David and I listened to some podcasts about the adoption process and it really helped educate us on a few topics. Our home study agency recommended Creating a Family. One podcast in particular spoke about how to inform all involved about the intention to adopt and how to educate our child on the adoption process. It also shed light on the psychology of it all.

Speaking of which, our home study is complete! It went well and God really worked out a neat connection during that process. We were able to work with someone with a mutual connection and it just made the whole process much more personal. At the same time, there is so much to do.

We ask for wisdom, guidance and clarity on the path to adoption. Did you know it costs $25K-$45K to adopt a newborn? Did you know it’s better to go with a few agencies/lawyers to increase the odds of connecting with a newborn? Each application at an agency can cost about $2-3K, just to start the process. Did you know that sometimes an adoption falls through, and besides the emotional letdown, there can be a loss of thousands of dollars? Sometimes another couple is chosen, sometimes the paperwork wasn’t correct, sometimes the birth mom chooses to keep her baby. This is why we ask for wisdom, guidance and clarity. If any of those things were to happen in our case, we want to be overcome with the peace of God that it is okay. Each of those situations would make someone happy in the process, so we would want our hearts to be happy too. Just as my niece prayed and claimed, I’m going to be a mom soon, I want to have that peace in my heart no matter the path we go.

We are also asking for wisdom, guidance and clarity on this path for another reason. I may or may not be able to share more details, but God knows the details. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. We thank you for following our journey and hope it offers you hope, in whatever situation you may be in.

Ever hopeful,
Michelle =)

Entry #4 Mother's Day

Mother’s Day Weekend! It really is such a beautiful reminder to honor mothers. Our mothers, motherly women who treat us as their own, and your family or friends who are mothers. I’ll be spending the day with my mother, my mother-in-law, my sister who is an amazing mom, and my brother-in-law’s mother. I’ll be messaging other mothers I know with a word of appreciation for the impact they make in my life. I’m so thankful for my own mom and the greatest thing she instilled in all four of us kids - being family oriented and making sure we are there for each other no matter what. A trait I like to share outside our family too!

Our church does a really cool thing each year. The pastor will ask for the women hoping to be mothers to stand and the church surrounds all those standing and prays that God will honor this desire. I have stood the past two years, and each time it has been a bit emotional. I will be standing again this year.

I’m not one to look for attention or want the spotlight on me. I have always been shy, but as I’ve grown older I have overcome this shyness in many areas. I was just recognized at work with an achievement and had to walk across the stage to accept the certificate, and inside I was cringing all the way leading up to that moment. I don’t care for nor like public recognition. But when I stand in church, I am publicly declaring that I know God will do as He wills and I am faithful to believe in that, with hopes of getting to be a mother.

I am also happy to publicly declare my hope in God through this blog. If this journey can help just one other woman stay strong and have hope, then it is worth it. I was recently asked if I don’t mind sharing all this with others, sometimes complete strangers. I really don’t. I have always enjoyed writing notes to others or thank you cards. I considered it a success when the recipient would tell me that the card made them shed a tear. I see the power of writing and at one point I was trying to become a children’s author. Over time, I’ve found different outlets for writing, for different purposes - like this.

This coming Thursday we have our home study visit. We are prayerful, and hope you will be too, that it goes well and that the child God wants us to parent, will come to us in His timing. If you are also going or considering going the adoption route, there is some paperwork to do for a home study visit. Local background check, fingerprints, medical history report, notarizing an affidavit of good moral character, character references, financial information, insurance and employment verification, copies of documents and the application in itself.

I sincerely appreciate those praying for us, asking about the journey, taking the time to read our updates and sharing it with others who might need some encouragement. When I share this publicly, I have the peace of God about it, so it is well with my soul to do so. As a matter of fact, I’ll be starting up a second blog that’s been on my heart for a while. It’ll be coming out later this week.

As always, we’re keeping our hope in God,
Michelle =)

Entry #3 Home Study coming up

The Mommy Monday Prayer Wall is up and officially accepting new prayer hopefuls! There is a section for Current Mommies, Current and Counting Mommies and Future Mommies. As I mentioned in Entry #2, I am committing to praying for all of these women each Monday (at the very least). If you haven’t told me already and would like to be added, send me a text or direct message. Under the Future Mommies section, I am adding a few of the women who have reached out and expressed their desire to be a grandma - I will be praying for your daughters/daughter-in-laws.

This prayer wall is right above where the diaper changing station is. Prayer can be life changing too! (I like to play on words.) I hope you’re able to feel God’s love for you and for you to know that you can trust and hope in Him.

A little update on our journey. We are completing the home study application and have a home study visit scheduled in a couple of weeks. We are very excited for the things to come and are praying for God to open the door for the opportunity for us to be parents. Through it all, we hope and trust in Him.

May your Monday be Merry and full of prayer for the direction God wants you to go in.

Thank you for reading and for praying for us,

Michelle

Entry #2 April 2019 Mommy Monday Wall

First, I want to start with how appreciative I am of the overwhelming responses people expressed from the first entry I shared.  So many people shared their own journey and offered such encouragement. So many people shared how they are praying for us. And some people shared the blog with others who needed to read it.  It helps confirm that what I’m writing and sharing is part of my new name, messenger. And I’m happy to share it. Your prayers and words of kindness, encouragement and empathy are truly appreciated.

As I read the comments, texts, direct messages and talked with people, I felt there was a strong connection in sharing our stories.  That through sharing, we were able to encourage each other. I love when people say they are praying for our journey and I wanted to create a Mommy Monday wall in the room in our house that we hope will be a nursery or child’s room one day.  On one wall, I am adding the names of the women who shared their journey with me and are currently mommies or going to be mommies. It is the current and future mommy prayer wall. I commit to praying for each of these women on Mommy Mondays. If you want to be added to that wall, feel free to send me a message.  How cool would it be if we prayed for each other and knew that on Mondays, at least one other person was praying for our journey. As some current moms shared, motherhood is quite challenging in itself. If we could offer each other encouragement along the way and lend a hand when needed, our circle of support would impact others in ways we may not even know.

And when I pray for the future mommies, I will be praying that God gives us the desires of our heart. I love when people have asked me, “When are you going to have kids?” or “When are you going to be a mom?”  This is one of the greatest compliments in the world. It’s in the word WHEN. They aren’t asking me “Are you going to have kids?” or “Are you going to be a mom?”  In my job, when I’m coaching new teachers, I ask them, “When are you going to try that new instructional strategy?” or “When do you want me to come observe you teaching?”  I am asking when, not are.  When means it’s going to happen.  If I asked, “Are you going to try out that instructional strategy?” the person has the option to say yes or no.  That’s why I love when people ask me “When are you going to be a mom?” It’s such a huge compliment because that means they see me as a potential mom.  The question is usually asked after an action I have done that would show I could be a good mom. I’ve heard people get tired of being asked the question of having kids and so forth, but really, it’s all in how you view the question.  I choose to view it as the utmost compliment one could give about the possibility of me being a mother. So, future mommies, I’ll be praying for you each Monday. And if you think to pray for me, I would love it.

This post is meant to continue to share and encourage others on a journey, waiting for God to answer.  With the amount of encouragement I received from the first post, I wanted to give a little insight into how I can view things in a positive light.  This positive light of course comes from having my hope in God.

On a side note, we have attended a meeting at our church about the adoption process and are currently looking at a couple of options when it comes to adoption and will be choosing the agencies to work with.  This is our current prayer along this journey.

A journey I’m so happy to share. A message I’m so happy to tell you about.  The hope God offers to anyone who wants to believe.

Keep strong hope in God and be the encourager to someone that may need it.
Michelle =)

Entry #1 Journey Towards Being Parents

Our Journey Towards Being Parents

This title makes it seem as though my husband and I are going to share our journey of how we became parents, doesn’t it?  Well, actually, we aren’t parents…yet.  We are in the midst of that journey.  Too often I read or hear stories after the journey, once we know everything turned out the way we wanted and how God worked things out as we hoped.  I want to share our journey in the present tense. Meaning, we don’t know how God is going to work things out, but I do know that God works for those who live according to His purpose.  And just because we know God works things out doesn’t mean He works things out as we want them.  Keeping steadfast faith in God for however He chooses to works things out is having hope.  Hope that no matter the outcome, we know that God is working. See Romans 8:28.

I’m going to share a glimpse into a current journey of mine.  I haven’t shared with too many people for various reasons.  One, if you haven’t been on a similar path, it’s hard to relate. Another, I don’t like to come across as soliciting pity or sorrow from others.  Three, I didn’t think this journey would last so long and would therefore share the end result.  But recently at church, our pastor taught a few messages and something in each one was like a prompt from the Holy Spirit for me to open up and share.  And then our church had a guest speaker, Hosanna Wong, share her message titled “I Have a New Name”. At the end of the message she had us stand when our new name that God gave us was mentioned and it was clear that my new name is Messenger. I do this with friends and people I encounter. But to do this with anyone who might come across these written words is somewhat daunting. You may not know me and know where I’m coming from.  But all the reasons why I shouldn’t share come from the enemy.  Hosanna Wong went on to say that our new name is what the enemy doesn’t want us to acknowledge. And in this denial of how God defines us keeps us at bay with sharing God’s goodness and helping others in similar situations. See II Corinthians 1:3-4.  Once I was able to open up and share a little, I found out a few current and past colleagues were having the same struggles.  If, in my own small reach of the world I was able to offer where my hope comes from, then surely this messenger can reach others. And so, my journey is part of my new name.  I write to you as a messenger wanting you to know where my hope comes from and how I can know for sure God works things out for those who are called according to His purpose.

I got married when I was 37. My husband was 38 and we both waited a long time for God to give us our match.  That in itself is another journey. If you’re single, have hope in God that His timing is perfect, despite what others and the world says. Anyhow, we started trying to have a child about a year into our marriage. Being older, I read all of the statistics and odds against us.  I had faith in God though, if He wanted us to have child, He would work it out.  So after about a year, I finally tested positive on a pregnancy test in February of last year. It was an excitement like I never felt before.  Yet, at the same time, I was very cautious to not get my hopes too high.  This is the realistic and pragmatic part of me.  What seemed to take forever in time was the day I had the first ultrasound to check on the status of the pregnancy.  The doctor came in the room and told me that there was a 95% this would end in a miscarriage.  I couldn’t believe nor understand what he was saying.  I was to come back in one week to see an updated change. That week was spring break for us so during that whole week we were praying for that 5% chance.  I knew that God could work a miracle if He wanted to.  It was a relaxing yet somber week at the beach. The second ultrasound showed no chance whatsoever for the pregnancy and I had a few choices: have a procedure to clean out my uterus, take some pills to speed up the process or wait it out naturally. I chose the pills and it ended up being the worse pain I’ve ever felt in my life, physically and emotionally. 

During this process, I realized the doctor and his office were not up to my standards at all.  So ladies, if you feel like your doctor isn’t providing the care you need and it’s an option to try other doctors, go for it.  The next month I switched doctor offices and scheduled an annual check up to see how this new office was.  The nurse was amazing and we talked about my desire to get pregnant. She asked if I was using an ovulation kit, which I was very thankful that she asked. The previous doctor told me to use the 10-10-10 rule, which was not that accurate. I knew this new nurse/office was already giving me personalized care.

The next month, June, I was pregnant again. And the excitement was there again, but even more cautiousness arose.  Perhaps the Holy Spirit was guarding my heart, but this too resulted in a miscarriage.  Two miscarriages within five months was quite devastating. The more I read online, the more I found the statistics for multiple miscarriages and my advancing age towards 40. Even so, I kept my hope in God, even though it was very difficult at times. I kept asking God questions but realized my desire for answers were the enemy throwing curve balls at me to distract me from my hope in God.

I went back to the same nurse in August and she recommended a fertility clinic.  I only had six months until I was forty, so I jumped on that referral and had a bunch of tests done. Two months of tests resulted in no answers.  I read online that it’s called infertility due to unknown reasons.  This was good and bad news. Good news because my aging parts were still working but bad news because there wasn’t an explanation for why my aging parts weren’t working.  There were alternative options and my husband and I chose IUI. Mainly because it was a low cost, low risk option for possible pregnancy.  We tried three rounds over the next three months. The last round would show the results in January, right after I turned 40.  After the first two didn’t work, I had high hopes that round three would work.  But alas, it did not work and I turned 40, knowing I wasn’t going to be pregnant before this monumental moment in life. I celebrated all month long with loved ones and definitely still enjoyed life.  But deep inside was a sadness that I hadn’t experienced before. We had already decided three rounds would be it because we felt if God wanted to make that happen, He would have. We didn’t want to try IVF due to my age and the monetary investment it would take.  Instead, we would rather invest that money in the adoption process.

So, here I am, almost exactly one year after that week of wondering about the 5% chance.  Now I wonder, will we find a child to adopt? Will we have one naturally? Will we have both? Will we have neither? Will we ever become parents? Will we never become parents?

Will I be okay with whatever outcome?

Truthfully, I don’t know if I will be okay.  And that’s because I am asking about me.  When I put God in the question, I ask, Will I be okay with whatever God’s outcome is? Will I be okay with however God works things out? That makes it easier to say yes.  God loves me and has given me desires in my heart. When my Hope comes from Him and is in Him, I know I can say, I will be okay with whatever outcome God chooses. 

And so I share my journey in the midst of it. To share with you where my hope comes from. To be a messenger that wants you to know that God gives us the hope we need.

What’s the journey you’re on? Ask yourself the possible outcomes that can be. And then ask if you’re okay with however God chooses the outcome to be.  What verses do you need stuck in your head to remind you of God’s hope? Who do you need to share with to encourage others along on their journey?

Stay strong with hope in God,

Michelle