Entry #19 Cousins' Love!

What a joyous two years it has been, watching my nieces love my daughter. And watching that love grow in so many ways. Growing up with three siblings, it’s been my dream to have a daughter of my own and for her to experience that same sibling love. When we had the opportunity to adopt our daughter, I hoped that my nieces would love her as their younger sister.

I’ve been a close part of my niece’s lives since their birth so it was very important for them to be a close part of my own child’s life. In lieu of the nine months of pregnancy to prepare our nieces for a new baby cousin, we took the time to prepare them for a possible adoptive cousin we were praying for. We prayed together about us becoming parents and talked about God giving us a little baby when and how He wants. When my older niece asked when I would become a mommy, I would say “When God wants me to, will you pray with me about it?” Sometimes we would pray right there, sometimes she would ask to pray, and sometimes I would say we have to wait for God to answer that prayer.

Then, boom!, we were parents! When we came home as a family of three, my nieces (and whole family) got to meet our daughter that very same day! The girls were beyond excited to see her and hold her. And show her her nursery and feed her.

In the days and weeks that followed, we answered questions and taught the terms to use. I had read and listened to advice and help in a variety of formats: books, podcasts, articles, friends who have adopted. One thing that I appreciated was saying that my baby grew in my heart and grew in her birth mother’s tummy. We explained the terms of biological and birth mother. When my nieces would ask, “Where is Maddy’s mom?” I would gently explain that “I am Maddy’s mom, and her birth mom is still in her home state.” We explained how we are our daughter’s parents. When explaining the idea of an adoption plan, we kept it simple. We would say Maddy’s birth mother knew we wanted to be parents and made a very hard decision to give her the best life possible. And when we don’t know an answer, we aren’t afraid to say, “We don’t know, but that’s how God worked it out.” The girls know these terms now and seem to understand because after two years, we don’t have to explain much. My nieces love my daughter as their little sister. Even on our Adoption Day in court, the girls promised the judge to love my daughter like a sister.

That love comes alive when they take turns picking her up like a koala. When they say “chase Daddy” and play tag. When they let her have the toy they are playing with because my daughter is still learning to share. When they ask to feed her and help take care of her. When they read to her and teach her new words. When the three of them walk together, all holding hands. When they all hug each other and make the most precious giggles I have ever heard. Recently, we were at Universal Studios and my mom let the girls pick out a toy she would buy them. My older niece picked out a plush baby Grinch and said she wanted to use her money to buy that for Maddy. Oh my heart!!

These are moments I cherish. And thank God for. I thank Him for letting me be the aunt to my lovely nieces. I thank Him for making me a mom. I thank Him each day for bringing Maddy to us and letting me be her mom. I thank Him for showing us ways to love one another. I thank Him for allowing us to enjoy life together.

I thank Him for showing us the pure love that children have. And I pray that I can always see that and have that same kind of love for others.

Entry #18 My Daughter is Two?!

My daughter is two years old?! Two years old? Two!

Just two years ago to the day, my husband and I received a call, asking us if we would like to adopt a baby girl that was about to be born. Even still to this day, when I let my mind ponder the full story it brings tears of happiness. Within an hour of receiving the call, we said yes! Within a few hours, we booked flights to Arizona and packed all sorts of things. By the next morning, we went to work for a few hours to tidy up loose ends because we anticipated being gone for two weeks due to adoption paperwork. Within twenty-four hours we landed in Arizona, got picked up by our cousins and drove home with them. Within minutes we got a call that the power of attorney was given to us, at which point we couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough to meet the precious baby who would become our daughter.

Fast forward two years later, it’s easy to forget all of the challenges that came before getting to become Maddy’s parents. There might be other women who don’t know my story, who look at me with Maddy and think, I wish I could be a mom like her. I wish I could have a daughter like that. Why can’t I be a mom? I know there have to be women thinking that because those thoughts used to creep into my head at times. Thankfully I kept hope in God that He put a desire for me to become a mom and I trusted that He would allow me to become a mom one day, no matter how it was going to happen. And now that I am a mom, I certainly don’t take it for granted. Each day is a gift.

Thinking about each day being a gift hits even harder in our current world. After my maternity leave, I went back to work for four weeks until spring break, at which time schools went remote for the remainder of the year. Then the following year, because of the state of everything, we decided I would stay home with Maddy. I am so thankful for the decision and am still able to stay home with her. I am so fortunate to be able to do so still. At the same time, I didn’t get to say bye to any of my colleagues. Some of them are at different work locations, some retired. The people in attendance at our last school gathering -- that same group of people will never work at the same school together again. I’ll never be with that same group of people again. There’s a little sadness in that because of my care for my colleagues and not getting to say a goodbye to some.

But sometimes having to say goodbye, means getting to say hello. Because I’ve had to say goodbyes in some aspects of my career, it has brought wonderful hellos in my family life. I have become a full time mom, one of my biggest dreams I actually didn’t think was possible. I have been more involved in my niece’s lives, which in turn have brought them closer to my daughter. But I also know this life stage is temporary. My older niece is already eight. It seems she was just two herself, which is why I savor every day at home with my daughter. Before I know it, our time at home together will be done, which makes me emotional just typing it. Before I know it, she will be growing up, growing older each year. And that’s why I am happy to enjoy the present. Enjoy the moments that God gives me now.

Tomorrow isn’t promised and tomorrow will be different. But God’s love is promised and doesn’t change. And I can promise to love my daughter and love my family and love my friends. I don’t want my focus to be on goodbyes, but rather focus on hellos that can show and share love. And for now, I know it’s okay to show my daughter as much love as I can.

Entry # 17 Being a Mom Is

Do you ever feel guilty as a mom? Do you ever feel like a bad mom? Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough as a mom? If you answered yes or kinda to at least one of these questions, this blog is for you!

Quite a few of my colleagues became moms shortly after I did, which was really neat because I was able to check in with them at various times to see how motherhood was going. (Some of these women were on my Mommy Monday prayer wall! It is so amazing to see what God does over the years.) These women are such talented educators and so dedicated to their jobs. I just knew each of them would make such loving and caring mothers. But guess what? Some of them didn’t think so or at different points doubted their abilities of being a mom! The questions I asked in the above paragraph are because of the feelings these new moms conveyed to me.

Feelings like, motherhood is so much tougher than I thought, I must be doing something wrong. The first few months are so hard all I could do was survive. I didn’t get anything done, instead I just played with my baby. See how these feelings led to those questions?

Each time I heard this, I offered the most amount of encouragement I could and sent Bible verses when applicable. My words of encouragement were hopefully helpful, but not enough to conquer feelings of guilt, inadequacy or regret.

Let’s do a little exercise. You might want to write this down or make a note on your phone.

First, write down about five of the character traits you want to pass on to your child. I’ll share five of mine, but don’t peek until you write yours!

1. Your answer
2. Your answer
3. Your answer
4. Your answer
5. Your answer


Okay, now let me share mine:
1. Love

2. Kindness
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Helpful

Second, write down a way you can model each one for your child. For instance, what do you do, or can you do, with your baby/child that will help them see these character traits? I’ll share an example of each one below that I’m working on with my own toddler. 

1. Love - I say, “I love you” throughout the day, I give her kisses and hugs, and ask her to give hugs and kisses.

2. Kindness - I use a soft tone when speaking to her and when correcting her.

3. Caring - We play pretend with her doll to feed her and brush her hair.

4. Sharing - We share food when appropriate and I ask her to give toys to her cousins when they play -- still learning this!

5. Helpful - When she needs help, I say, “Do you want Mommy to help?” I also ask her to help with simple tasks and praise her for doing so.


Now look at your sentences and examine them. How are you teaching those traits to your child? My answers are all traits I teach and model through time together. So while I have many tasks to do, I don’t let myself get overwhelmed or feel guilty about letting them be at times. I know spending time with my daughter is having lifelong effects on her. It’s helping her to become the most amazing person she can be. If I am able to focus on the important things I hope my daughter will acquire a little more each day, then I know my time is being well used. I don’t feel guilty for having fun with my daughter. Spending undivided time with her requires my full attention.


Okay, if you liked that little exercise, here’s another.

First, write down the reasons why you may feel like you’re not doing this motherhood thing right. I’ll be very honest and share a couple of mine too. But don’t peek until you write yours!

1. Your answer
2. Your answer


Okay, here are mine:

1. I’ve heard so many people say, don’t let your child sleep in bed with you! But, our daughter falls asleep in my arms, or my husband’s arms.

2. I had no idea giving babies formula was such a judged thing!

Whew, that’s hard to write out and articulate. Especially knowing I’m sharing with others! (Feel free to write to me and share yours!) Now, we need to conquer these inadequacies with truth! You can read mine to get an idea if you need help! But make sure to battle these lies that are in your head.

Truths:

Lie - People telling me how to do a sleep routine.

Truth - I love cuddling with my baby and she loves it too! Not many people are willing to share, but their kids sleep in the bed too! I learned very quickly some great advice from my sister. So many people will tell you what to do with your child, but you need to do what’s best and do what you know is working. Yes, I read BabyWise and it helped with a great routine. Yes, I read a few other books, plenty of blogs, watched videos and learned so much! I also learned what to adapt for my child and what wouldn’t be relevant. God created each of us so uniquely, we have to learn, research, listen to, and find what’s best for our children. Once you find it, own it! Know you’re such a good mommy for wanting to know all this!


Lie - You’re using formula?! Thankfully, I didn’t have anyone directly judge me for this, but I learned of this when mothers who were breastfeeding were having a hard time producing milk and didn’t want to “resort to formula”.

Truth - My daughter is adopted, so breastfeeding wasn’t an option for me in my situation. Therefore, I can’t relate to these feelings and I don’t understand how the body reacts after giving birth because I know there are all kinds of emotions that take place. But I will say, my daughter is healthy and thriving and doing just fine after being formula fed since her birth. Many people say, “Nothing is better than giving your baby breastmilk.” True and I’m so happy for those who can. But what about this, “Nothing is worse than your baby being malnourished.” Give your baby what you can to keep them healthy. My sister, who breastfed her daughters, told me that there is so much to do when caring for a newborn/infant, that if you can’t produce milk, just do the formula. She wishes moms would understand it’s okay and to give yourself a break. She has shared that advice too many times with her mommy friends.


Did you write a truth to overcome that lie that is bringing you down? Would you be willing to share a comment for other moms to be encouraged?

I had two goals for this blog . One was to help you overcome feelings of doubt, inadequacy and regret. I hope the two little exercises started you on that path. The other goal was to address the unspoken part of motherhood. Mothers know we are dedicated to the well-being of our children. The amount of time that physically happens changes during various stages and ages of our children. For example, wherever I walked around the house, my baby wanted to come with me, so each task was done holding her. Now that she can walk, she can follow me around! It’s a little less physical work on my end! I’m going to guess motherhood mentally occupies our minds constantly, no matter the stage or age! And we mothers get it! That’s why I try to encourage other mothers whenever I can. There are so many directions we can be pulled in, so many tasks and errands to complete, so many people to communicate with, so much to do! Shouldn’t we give each other encouragement and cheer each other on? The five character traits I hope to teach and model for my daughter are ones I aim to show towards fellow mommies.

Sometimes humans aren’t the source for the encouragement (unfortunately). But do you know who always is? God. God can offer you hope, confidence and love. Here’s one of my favorite Bible verses. It is from Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” God knows where you are right now, what you’re struggling with, and what you need. We just have to reach out, pray, read His Word from the Bible and listen to what He shares with us.

Oh, I’m already on page three of this blog post! And I feel like I have so much more to say! However, I’m going to leave it here. I always want to make sure what I am sharing with others is what God is prompting me to say.

Was this encouraging to you? Leave me a comment on my Instagram or Facebook Page to let me know. And if you have other thoughts or ideas I’d love to hear those too.

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Entry #16 Share Your Story of Becoming a Mother

It's hard to believe I started my very first blog about my journey to motherhood just over two years ago! As I revisit it, I am filled with thankfulness for the journey, awe for how the journey has been going and encouragement because of the connections I have made on this journey.

Just over two years ago, I took a leap of faith and shared about my desire to become a mom and the difficult journey I was in at the time. It was a leap of faith because I was trusting in God's plan that He too was going to let me become a mommy. Deep in my heart I had confidence in God and His plan that this would come to fruition and now two years later, I'm going to celebrate my second Mother's Day as a mom with my beautiful 18 month old daughter. I will admit, I was quite anxious along the journey, my faith was tested because I wanted things to happen in my timing, and I often felt drained from all of the negative results that would come back, whether it was from tests related to pregnancy or not being matched with the baby that was to be ours. I can say with absolute certainty, that those "no" answers were "not yet" answers. I can't imagine my life without any other child but the one I have been blessed with through adoption.

Throughout my journey, I have had the privilege of talking with, praying with, praying for and giving advice to fellow females who were also on the journey to motherhood. Many of them are now mommies! And some are still on their journey. But as I have learned, it is just a "not yet" for them. And so, because of all these amazing stories of bravery from these women willing to share with me, this project idea came to life. I thought my initial blog would just be used in the moment while I was living it. But two years later, I still am able to help others along their journey. So, I write this new post, in hopes that it will encourage more women along their journeys. If you're a fellow female struggling with infertility, have had miscarriages, have had failed IUIs or IVFs, haven't been matched with your baby through adoption or whatever roadblock may be in the way of you becoming a mom, stay strong. Any time I talk with my female friends asking about my journey, I am sure to give this advice: The path that God has you on to become a mommy is between you and God. You have to pray earnestly, listen carefully, discern wisely, for only you and God know what He is truly telling you. Ask others to pray for sure, but know that your path is going to look different than my path, or any other's for that matter. Along your journey, you're going to hear many voices giving their opinions. Keep these tucked away and pray that God shows what He wants you to hear. Keep hope that God knows your desires and will open your eyes to what needs to happen. Be open to things you may not have thought were options before. This is probably my most important advice I share with those I talk with, and so I want to share it with those who may be reading.

When I think of all of the women who have shared their journey with me, I know I felt so encouraged to know there was someone else out there who could related to my experiences. That is where this Mother May I project comes in! It's a play of words on the game, Mother May I, plus the month of May includes Mother's Day. I asked other mommies to share their BRAVE stories in hopes that it could encourage other women on their journey to motherhood. I also hope it can encourage current mommies to remember the special moments of motherhood and for us to be thankful, aware and compassionate towards our fellow females who are hoping to be mommies one day!

With that, here are some BRAVE stories of women and their journey towards motherhood. May it encourage you! Feel free to share it with anyone you think needs to hear this!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the start of my journey to motherhood, I had accepted that my husband and I would probably resort to insemination, but I was deflated to find that IVF was essentially our only option. This option required me to face my crippling fear of needles and the anxiety of being physically uncomfortable in general. With two failed attempts, my emotions were disoriented and my faith was thoroughly tested. It wasn't until the third IVF attempt (backed by a thousand prayers) that we finally got pregnant. This Mother's Day marks EXACTLY two years to the day from the start of my IVF process and I get to celebrate with my two month old baby boy, alongside my extremely supportive husband.
~Simone S.


Last summer, I had a rough first pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage/D&C at 12 weeks. I spent several months following that scared, upset and unsure of a future child. 4 months later, we found out we were pregnant again. This one proved to also be difficult in the first trimester resulting in a few ER trips. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant. She is healthy and due in July. Our three year old is very excited to meet her sister.
~Chelsea, mother with one on the way!


I ventured into motherhood rather quickly. When I met my husband, I learned he had a six-year-old daughter. I was apprehensive at first, never thinking I belonged in the role as a step-parent. But fast forward eleven years…we are married with three beautiful children. I could not imagine my life without my seventeen-year-old (bonus) daughter. She has taught me so much about myself as a mother and as a person. I was blessed again with another daughter nine years ago. She is the best surprise I have ever received. Then, when my husband and I decided to grow our family one more time, we were struck with heartbreak. The one time we planned to be pregnant, we experienced a miscarriage. But God is an awesome God and carried us through. He blessed us a year later with our son. Motherhood is one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it is one of the greatest and most rewarding. I am eternally grateful to my God for choosing me to parent the children he has given me.
“Psalm 127:3: "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
~Ann, raising my tribe on Jesus :: Mia, Addison, JJ


Mike and I were married seven years before I finally conceived - we were ALL so excited! Two months in, my body rejected this little soul and I had a miscarriage. I thought my world ended. The next year I conceived again and we had Andrew! Three years later, I had another miscarriage. Then another three years went by and we had James! Now our boys are grown with children of their own. So I know that this journey was God’s plan all along.
~Debbie, Mother of Andrew and James,
Gram of Autumn, Macy, Eli, Beau and Emma


I was twenty-five years old the first time I went to the doctor to find out why I wasn’t getting pregnant. The doctor dismissed me by saying that I was young and had many years to try to get pregnant. I’m now fifty-two years old and menopausal and have NEVER been pregnant. So it goes to show that you need to be your own advocate, no matter what your age is. It was nearly five years later when the same endocrinologist told me that I had a rare condition that had no research, no solution, that I would probably NEVER get pregnant and should consider a donor embryo or adoption. At that point, I had already been on several adoption lists for two years. And literally, nine months after that conversation, our first child was born. He is now twenty-three years old. We also adopted our daughter who is now twenty-one. Both are the joys of our lives.
~Kelli Davis


I always knew my purpose in life was to be a mother, but I also knew deep down that getting there would be a struggle. After five years of miscarriage, failed IUIs, and endless heartache, we finally brought home my little boy with the help of IVF. He’s my whole world, and I’m so glad I stayed determined and leaned on science when I needed it. Looking back, the wait had a purpose, as so many other aspects of our lives have fallen into place in that time. This year, I’ll spend my second Mother’s Day cherishing my son and celebrating our second child due in December (also thanks to IVF!).
~Megan, proud mom to Charlie and Baby#2


For three years of Mother’s Day church services, I, along with my husband and family, would stand up when our pastor asked if there were any women who were hoping to become mothers. After two miscarriages and three unsuccessful IUIs, I kept hope in God that He would allow me to become a Mommy, even though it was difficult at times to stay strong. This Mother’s Day will be the second year I celebrate it with my precious daughter. God brought us together through adoption, and looking back, I see how God was orchestrating every detail all along.
~Michelle, mother of Maddy and follower of Christ


Fourteen years into our marriage, after many infertility struggles, we chose adoption. Taking this journey of faith, trusting the Lord with all of the details, our baby girl came home with us in January 2021. The road was so bumpy at times! But God had every detail covered. We’re here - she’s here - and I’m a mom. This will be my first Mother’s Day as a mom, at 44 years old. It’s surreal and beautiful and all glory to God.
~Fellow Mommy


When I had Nahla, I was in college and unmarried. When she was six, she was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. We prayed. God healed. Years later, I married Stefen. We became a blended family. For seven months, we tried to get pregnant but couldn’t. When we did, it was right after my dad passed away. We did a home birth. When she was born, she took a breath, stopped breathing, and turned blue in my arms. My husband and I prayed over her together. Today, Nia is three. In September, we had our son. I was considered high risk, was iron deficient, switched doctors at 35 weeks, and birthed him in a pandemic...but we never stopped praying. We named him Seven because we believe that God will complete every work in us; all we need to do is remain in prayer and know that God will do all that He said He would do.
~Nadirah, God’s daughter, Stefen’s wife, and mother of Nahla, Nia, and Seven


Sometimes when you pray for a miracle, you get two! After battling with infertility for three and a half years that included countless doctor appointments, labs, medications, fertility procedures, surgeries, high hopes followed by huge disappointments, and a miscarriage, I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant with twins! The years leading up to that moment were filled with many lows and “why us?” moments. However, my husband and I remained true to our faith and kept praying and believing. With the support of our family and close friends, we believed somehow, someway, God had a plan, no matter how hopeless we felt. He sure did have a plan! We learned His timing may not be our timing, but God is faithful and will never leave you or forsake you.
~Cheryl, mother of twin daughters