Quite a few of my colleagues became moms shortly after I did, which was really neat because I was able to check in with them at various times to see how motherhood was going. (Some of these women were on my Mommy Monday prayer wall! It is so amazing to see what God does over the years.) These women are such talented educators and so dedicated to their jobs. I just knew each of them would make such loving and caring mothers. But guess what? Some of them didn’t think so or at different points doubted their abilities of being a mom! The questions I asked in the above paragraph are because of the feelings these new moms conveyed to me.
Feelings like, motherhood is so much tougher than I thought, I must be doing something wrong. The first few months are so hard all I could do was survive. I didn’t get anything done, instead I just played with my baby. See how these feelings led to those questions?
Each time I heard this, I offered the most amount of encouragement I could and sent Bible verses when applicable. My words of encouragement were hopefully helpful, but not enough to conquer feelings of guilt, inadequacy or regret.
Let’s do a little exercise. You might want to write this down or make a note on your phone.
First, write down about five of the character traits you want to pass on to your child. I’ll share five of mine, but don’t peek until you write yours!
1. Your answer
2. Your answer
3. Your answer
4. Your answer
5. Your answer
Okay, now let me share mine:
1. Love
2. Kindness
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Helpful
Second, write down a way you can model each one for your child. For instance, what do you do, or can you do, with your baby/child that will help them see these character traits? I’ll share an example of each one below that I’m working on with my own toddler.
3. Caring
4. Sharing
5. Helpful
Second, write down a way you can model each one for your child. For instance, what do you do, or can you do, with your baby/child that will help them see these character traits? I’ll share an example of each one below that I’m working on with my own toddler.
1. Love - I say, “I love you” throughout the day, I give her kisses and hugs, and ask her to give hugs and kisses.
2. Kindness - I use a soft tone when speaking to her and when correcting her.
3. Caring - We play pretend with her doll to feed her and brush her hair.
4. Sharing - We share food when appropriate and I ask her to give toys to her cousins when they play -- still learning this!
5. Helpful - When she needs help, I say, “Do you want Mommy to help?” I also ask her to help with simple tasks and praise her for doing so.
Now look at your sentences and examine them. How are you teaching those traits to your child? My answers are all traits I teach and model through time together. So while I have many tasks to do, I don’t let myself get overwhelmed or feel guilty about letting them be at times. I know spending time with my daughter is having lifelong effects on her. It’s helping her to become the most amazing person she can be. If I am able to focus on the important things I hope my daughter will acquire a little more each day, then I know my time is being well used. I don’t feel guilty for having fun with my daughter. Spending undivided time with her requires my full attention.
Okay, if you liked that little exercise, here’s another.
First, write down the reasons why you may feel like you’re not doing this motherhood thing right. I’ll be very honest and share a couple of mine too. But don’t peek until you write yours!
1. Your answer
2. Your answer
Okay, here are mine:
1. I’ve heard so many people say, don’t let your child sleep in bed with you! But, our daughter falls asleep in my arms, or my husband’s arms.
2. I had no idea giving babies formula was such a judged thing!
Whew, that’s hard to write out and articulate. Especially knowing I’m sharing with others! (Feel free to write to me and share yours!) Now, we need to conquer these inadequacies with truth! You can read mine to get an idea if you need help! But make sure to battle these lies that are in your head.
Truths:
Lie - People telling me how to do a sleep routine.
Truth - I love cuddling with my baby and she loves it too! Not many people are willing to share, but their kids sleep in the bed too! I learned very quickly some great advice from my sister. So many people will tell you what to do with your child, but you need to do what’s best and do what you know is working. Yes, I read BabyWise and it helped with a great routine. Yes, I read a few other books, plenty of blogs, watched videos and learned so much! I also learned what to adapt for my child and what wouldn’t be relevant. God created each of us so uniquely, we have to learn, research, listen to, and find what’s best for our children. Once you find it, own it! Know you’re such a good mommy for wanting to know all this!
Lie - You’re using formula?! Thankfully, I didn’t have anyone directly judge me for this, but I learned of this when mothers who were breastfeeding were having a hard time producing milk and didn’t want to “resort to formula”.
Truth - My daughter is adopted, so breastfeeding wasn’t an option for me in my situation. Therefore, I can’t relate to these feelings and I don’t understand how the body reacts after giving birth because I know there are all kinds of emotions that take place. But I will say, my daughter is healthy and thriving and doing just fine after being formula fed since her birth. Many people say, “Nothing is better than giving your baby breastmilk.” True and I’m so happy for those who can. But what about this, “Nothing is worse than your baby being malnourished.” Give your baby what you can to keep them healthy. My sister, who breastfed her daughters, told me that there is so much to do when caring for a newborn/infant, that if you can’t produce milk, just do the formula. She wishes moms would understand it’s okay and to give yourself a break. She has shared that advice too many times with her mommy friends.
Did you write a truth to overcome that lie that is bringing you down? Would you be willing to share a comment for other moms to be encouraged?
I had two goals for this blog . One was to help you overcome feelings of doubt, inadequacy and regret. I hope the two little exercises started you on that path. The other goal was to address the unspoken part of motherhood. Mothers know we are dedicated to the well-being of our children. The amount of time that physically happens changes during various stages and ages of our children. For example, wherever I walked around the house, my baby wanted to come with me, so each task was done holding her. Now that she can walk, she can follow me around! It’s a little less physical work on my end! I’m going to guess motherhood mentally occupies our minds constantly, no matter the stage or age! And we mothers get it! That’s why I try to encourage other mothers whenever I can. There are so many directions we can be pulled in, so many tasks and errands to complete, so many people to communicate with, so much to do! Shouldn’t we give each other encouragement and cheer each other on? The five character traits I hope to teach and model for my daughter are ones I aim to show towards fellow mommies.
Sometimes humans aren’t the source for the encouragement (unfortunately). But do you know who always is? God. God can offer you hope, confidence and love. Here’s one of my favorite Bible verses. It is from Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” God knows where you are right now, what you’re struggling with, and what you need. We just have to reach out, pray, read His Word from the Bible and listen to what He shares with us.
Oh, I’m already on page three of this blog post! And I feel like I have so much more to say! However, I’m going to leave it here. I always want to make sure what I am sharing with others is what God is prompting me to say.
Was this encouraging to you? Leave me a comment on my Instagram or Facebook Page to let me know. And if you have other thoughts or ideas I’d love to hear those too.
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